


Pillows

by itk2bjustk



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: F/M, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:01:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28377399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itk2bjustk/pseuds/itk2bjustk
Summary: Jae was her Pillow. He was there when she needed rest… until she asked him to cut her off from his life. A couple of years after, Eris comes back home to find Jae in a business meeting with her father.
Relationships: Park Jaehyung | Jae/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	Pillows

**Author's Note:**

> \- Rating is subject to change  
> \- Additional characters will be added  
> \- Italicized text are OC's thoughts or flashbacks  
> \- Bold text are written messages (SMS, emails, handwritten notes, etc.)  
> \- texts inside asterisks are being sung *text*

Eris walked out of the arrival gates, baggage in tow, carefully eyeing the strangers behind the glass barrier, trying to spot a familiar face. It’s been 3 years since she last saw her family. She’s finally decided to stop running away. Maybe the way to get herself back is to come back.

She received a text from her father telling her to go straight outside the airport and wait at one of bays so he could just pick her up.

When she got in, she gave her father a kiss on the cheek. Tradition. Growing up, her friends always noted how she’s so affectionate with her parents. She didn’t feel like she was. It was forced out of habit. It’s not that she didn’t love nor care about them at all. It’s just that, if she could, she’d rather remain the calm and stoic kid they’ve come to know. She can’t afford to show them any weakness. The least she could do is adhere to the habits they’ve instilled.

Eris asked her father why he ran late. He said he had to pick up one of their consultants for a new subdivision they were developing and dropped him off at the office since it was on the way. They were planning to incorporate urban farming facilities for a community garden within the gated community they’re planning to create.

He deposited her home, told her to rest and expect to be picked up again later for dinner with him and her mom. Once inside, she looked around the house and found the interior exactly as she had instructed. White walls, grey accents, a trusty comfortable sofa. She then headed to her room upstairs. Wide glass windows and white flowy curtains. She used to be such a recluse but she has now learned to welcome the sun.

While she was working, she had her parents manage her finances. Her mother was an accountant who decided to stop working after she got into a swimming accident when she was young. Without her knowledge, her parents bought a small two-storey house under her name just outside the city. Most people might find this intrusive but she welcomed it. She doesn’t really care how her money was spent so long as she still gets to be free – so long as she gets to pursue her “happiness”.

Eris never really thought about retiring here. No, she never thought about retiring at all. All she wanted was to fill her happiness bar, disappear and die off somewhere. But for someone with such a bleak outlook in life, her friends often found it amusing how effortless living seemed for her. For a while though, it wasn’t. Last year, the peace she’s known said “peace out!

She looked outside the window. Just an empty street and rows of similar looking houses that stretched in both directions – some occupied, some empty. It wasn’t a particularly beautiful sight but it still offered a hint of solace she’d been trying to reclaim. She used to see every little ridiculous thing as an adventure. Nothing could hurt her, nothing could shake her, nothing could make her lose her temper. She found suffering amusing until that one fateful misadventure. Until someone came along to show her she wasn’t exactly living, that she can’t keep pretending she’s someone with a third-person point of view simply looking in. That she wasn’t dead and she wasn’t the ghost she had thought herself to be.

She took a deep breath and focused her attention to her baggage, thought about unpacking but decided against it. She realized she was pretty tired from being awake for a little more than 24 hours. It was 2:00pm and she has a few hours left to take some rest and prepare for the dinner with her parents.

**************************************************

Eris forgot to set her alarm and woke up just as when the sun was setting. 5:14 PM. She has about forty-five minutes to prepare. Her father really has a knack for being punctual at the worst moments. Then again, it’s only dinner with her parents. She got up and started rummaging her baggage for a decent pair of clothes. She pulled out a pair of tattered skinny jeans and a glittered tank. _Hmmm. Good enough._ She thought. Eris quickly showered and got dressed. She applied moisturiser on her face, a little powder and some lip tint. She decided to add a little tint on her cheeks, too. _Hmmm. Just to look a lil healthy._ And mentally smiled to herself.

 _“You’re flushed. Are you sick?_ ” _She heard him half-whisper in his sleepy voice. He sounded a little worried. But he always sounded worried whenever she’s around. She just got in his studio and lightly shook his arm to wake him up. Eris didn’t think he’d notice the blush on under the dim lighting of his room._

Her mind often played this little snippet of memory whenever she applied some blush. She realized that Jae will always be a part of her. She shooed the thoughts away and decided to go back to the business at hand. She grabbed her wristwatch and looked at the time before putting it on. 5:57. Her dad will be honking anytime now. She took the black cardigan she wore through her trip today and lightly sprayed perfume. _This will do._

She started down the steps just as she hears the honking she’d been expecting. She grabbed her handbag, checked for her phone, wallet and keys. _All there._ She quickened her steps towards the door and got out. Her mom quickly got out of the front seat and opened her arms beckoning her to give her a hug. She smiled and complied. She felt her mom sniff and gave her a kiss on the side of her head.

“I missed you.” She said.

“I missed you, too.” Eris replied. Her mom, then, unclasped herself from their hug. “C’mon, let’s get going. Your dad’s hungry.”

Eris walked towards the right backseat door but she noticed someone’s already seated at that side. _Ohh, someone’s coming along._ This fact always bummed Eris. When his father made new friends, he never hesitates to let them join in on family “events”. _Oh well._ She worked her way to the other side and felt like she got doused with cold water as soon as she opened the door.

She actually felt like she blacked out for a second. She just couldn’t believe who was right in front of her. Then she heard his father’s smiley voice from the driver’s seat.

“Bee, that’s Jaehyung. He’s the consultant I’ve been talking to you about. He’s joining us for dinner.”

Eris gave Jae a nod. Her parents are looking and she can’t afford to fall apart right now.

“Hi.” Was all he said and gave her an awkward toothless smile. Eris climbed in and settled herself at the farthest end of the car while Jae sat unmoving at the other side. If her parents felt the tension, they didn’t show any sign. They kept talking happily about the recent happenings they thought she needed to catch up on. She didn’t exactly catch any of it. Her head was busy making sense of what was happening. At the same time, she was busy willing herself from pulling out old thoughts and memories she thought she’d already successfully abandoned.

**************************************************

For the whole 15-minute car-ride, Eris did her best to will herself not to look to her right. She didn’t want her parents catching her peeking at the man beside her. She really didn’t want to open a huge can of worms. She knew how her parents think. They’ve done this a few times before where they try to unceremoniously set her up with any guy they think she could be into. They were all good choices. She would have crushed on them all on her own if only she met them outside of her parents’ influence.

She knew that this is their last ditch attempt at setting her up again. _Bravo._ She thought. Maybe her parents knew her after all – despite her greatest efforts to hide her worst tendencies. Jae was one of her worst tendencies. Not that Jae was a bad person. No. At his best, he’s the greatest friend you could ever have. Only a fool would think of dropping a person like him.

When they arrived, both Eris and Jae hurriedly scrambled out of the car. It was probably as suffocating to Jae as it was to her. It’s as if she held her breath the entire time just to seem like she’d stop existing. As soon as her mother got out, Eris ran to her and hooked her arms with hers. They both walked ahead leaving Jae and her father behind but waited as soon as they got to the entrance while a waitress searches and prepares their seat inside.

Her father was talking to Jae when their gazes caught each other. She swears she was just looking at their general direction. _Who am I fooling? He still looks good as ever._

_“What do you want me to play?” Jae asked while positioning his fingers to play some random chords on his acoustic guitar. She was sitting cross-legged with her back leaning against the wall while Jae was also sitting right in front of her. Eris played a mysterious smile instead. Being with Jae never fails to be amusing. No, the way she feels when she’s with him is always amusing. She knows for a fact that what she feels isn’t romantic but she’s seen enough indie romantic flicks to think this particular scene could be in one._

_“Why do you always smile like that?” He whined. He tried to make it sound playful but Eris could see a hint of nervousness in his eyes. Like he’s scared he’s misjudged her and that she could actually be a serial killer._

_Eris’s smile evolved into a full-on grin. She wanted to laugh so bad. This was just so amusing. But Jae was just staring intently at her, waiting for her to explain the cause for her mirth._

_“Can you not be so nervous all the time?” She stopped smiling and sincerely looked at him._

_“It’s scary how you can just switch like that.”_

_“I scare myself sometimes too. But can you not pretend like you’re in any way more normal than I am?” She said jokingly. Although, they were both aware that it wasn’t a joke. See, this whole arrangement is based off of an agreement to be each other’s emotional anchor. They’ve been online friends for months now. They’ve lost touch and reconnected at the time she felt so lost. Jae didn’t say it then, but when he offered her a place to escape to, she realized that he, is as incapable of escaping a maze of his own making too._

_“Okay, whatever. But seriously, what do you want me to play?” He tried to soften both his tone and his gaze to make her comply. Eris can sense that. It was already her 3 rd time visiting Jae’s studio but he’s still always so tense. Was it her? Or was it because he’s still scared of people?_

_“Uhm, do you know any Third Eye Blind?” She finally blurted._

_“Hnnnnnn… Yeah, a couple. Wait.” He thought for a while and then his eyes lit up when he thought of a song to play. He tried to figure out the chords just by singing the song in his head. “How’d the start go again?”_

_“Which song?” And her mischievous grin is back. He didn’t even remember to tell her which song he was going to play._

_“That one that goes, *deep inside of you*” he sang that one line he remembered._

_“Oh! *When we met light was shed, thoughts free flow you said you’ve got something*” she sang the first two lines without hesitation as he bopped his head in rhythm, trying to match the correct chord to the melody she’s singing._

_“*Deep inside of you*” he continued as he starts properly strumming. And then he smiled. Eris thought about how beautiful he looked – half-dazed, half-focused. Especially when he’s relaxed and unguarded like this. It made her smile too as she sang along to the song he’s playing._

“Ma’am, your table’s ready. Kindly follow me.” The waitress called and she woke up from another memory.

**************************************************

The dinner went down without a hitch. Eris focused on talking to her mom. She involved her father and Jae when they seemed like they were paying attention. She told random stories about her favourite friends. Talking more about other people’s good news was a sure-fire way to avoid talking about her misfortune including the one that was seated right in front of her. She’d always been good at compartmentalization. She can be present at any given moment and just agonize over the painful facts once she’s completely alone. She wasn’t capable of processing feelings in front of people anyway. She had years of practice. She could count the number of people who’ve seen her cry after she turned 15 in one hand. And out of the people she’s with now, it’s the stranger and not the family that’s included in the list.

Once they were all done and the talk has died down a bit, Eris’ mom excused herself to go to the bathroom. Just as she was about to go, her father’s previous colleague passed by and called out. As the Mr. Congeniality that he is, he stood up to shake the man’s hand and introduced Eris and Jae, stepped away from the table and proceeded to make small talk with the man. This left her and Jae hesitating to start a conversation. She hasn’t processed the event yet so she intends to stand by the last words she’d said to him. _I think we should stop contacting each other._

She knew the same words were hanging above his head. Would acknowledging their previous connection be counted as contacting each other? It’s been two years and he kept his end of the bargain. This she knows. She’s often checked her blocked messages not really knowing what to hope for. She could never tell if she was relieved or disappointed when he didn’t find his number there. Then again, pretending to be complete strangers and erasing each other from their lives did not include erasing what they shared. They were too old to deny or pretend that’s possible.

“How have you been?” Jae took the leap first, again with that obvious nervous look but he was looking straight at her, piercingly so. Not a hint of accusation in his tone which surprised her. His voice weak but strong enough for her to make out.

Eris tried to think whether to go with who she was when she was with him or to continue the pretense. _Why is this so difficult? Fuck._

“I’m however you wanna take it.” She said with a smile and a slight nod, hoping it sounded confident enough. This is exactly how she would talk to him before. Dishonest but honest enough. Always wishing he’d take the words and not how it sounded. She depended on him to let her know what she’s feeling because he always figured her out. It’s the same now. She found herself unusually calm amidst a nagging fear. She doesn’t know which is which.

“I take it you’ve been good. I have been too.” He smiled almost bitterly. His eyes somehow seemed to lose focus of the present despite being on her. Before he could say anything else, Eris’s dad intervened as he reclaimed his seat back.

“You guys are talking. Are you guys talking about videogames?” he said flashing his usual award-winning smile. It still amazes Eris how her dad’s always has this light-hearted aura around strangers. So he knows, we share the hobby. Then again, it was never really strictly business meetings when it came to her dad.

“Oh. I was asking her how she’s been.” He said bashfully.

An alarm sounded in her head. Do her parents know? She looked at him, trying to not give away anything to her dad. Hoping he understood that single, very normal blink she did. Just then, Eris’s mom also got back from the bathroom distracting her father. And then, she gave him the proper look asking him if her parents knew. He understood and shook his head lightly. When her father’s attention was back to them.

“He meant my flight and if I got some rest.” She said casually. Pretending she’s fine and dandy in front of her parents is her specialty. If it was a job she could get paid for, her life would’ve been perfect.

“Did you?” her father asked

“About 3 hours? I’ll try to catch some more later.” She said knowing fully she won’t be getting any more of that rest she expected when she woke up that evening.

“So Jae… hyung” she said pretending to pick up the conversation and then remembering he was introduced to her with his full name.

“Jae’s fine.” He caught on and gave her that same smile he had the first time they met up.

“How long have you been here?” she continued. It seemed like she was making small talk but she was genuinely curious. But more than anything, she wanted to know if he’s known that she’s their daughter before tonight.

“About two weeks,” then he looked at Eris’s dad for confirmation, and then back at her. She just nodded in response while thinking how to carefully ask her actual question. _Or should I just text him?_ But she was reminded of her last words and somehow found up her own answer. Even if he’d known, he wouldn’t really contact her. Could she expect him to do so?

“Anyways, I think we should be leaving.” Her dad said checking his wristwatch. “We’ll drop Jaehyung off at his hotel first.”

While waiting for the valet to deliver the car, Eris can sense that Jae’s been restless. Like he wants to tell her something. He finally found the chance as the car arrived and Eris’s parents entered the car first. Behind her, in a low voice, he said. “I’m sorry but I sent a text.”

She wanted to rebut. _Did you consider I might have already changed my number?_ But he opened the door for her and told her to go in first. Her parents must’ve been impressed with the gesture, she thought.

**************************************************

During the second most awkward car-ride of the day, Eris managed to open her blocked messages to find Jae’s text that said: **I’m sorry but I sent a text.**

This almost made her laugh. She decided to unblock and replied instead.

**E: ???**

**J: At least while im here working with ur dad.**

**E: I understand.**

**J: Do we keep pretending we just met?**

**E: ya**

**J: ok**

**…Jae is typing**

Eris waited but no more text arrived. She’s still afraid to look up to check what he’s up to, afraid her mom is keeping an eye on them just because she knows her mom is somehow low-key trying to ship them. She decided to keep her phone. She still has a lot of questions and more to tell him but she still hadn’t considered the best course of action yet. For now, she’s planning to just go with the flow.

At home, Eris tried to consider every possible outcome to texting Jae to ask the little things she’s curious about – of the possible implications of being on speaking terms with him again. She was afraid of herself. She was afraid of the person she was when he was still around. _I don’t want to regress._ Although, who she was not Jae’s fault. It was never his fault and yet a part of her blamed him for trying to pick her up without knowing how.

But she was already fine, right? She had moved on? Jae seemed like he has finally pulled himself together as well. Maybe this time, they can now be actual friends?


End file.
